In an attempt to maintain the daily writing habit to which I committed during my participation in the recent edition of Writing 101, I searched WordPress for a writing prompt and found the “Fifty” writing challenge.
I read the post “Regret,” written by Samantha Chan for the Fifty-Word writing challenge, and my heart was stabbed by the memory – the memory of picking up the telephone to call my mother several times in the months following her death and being slapped by the awareness, she is no longer here. I was surprised by the intensity of my reaction. I have missed my mother in various seasons over the years but it has been a long time that I felt pain.
The ache lingers and I find myself repeatedly touching the same place between my ribs, an unconscious attempt to self-soothe. So I take a deep breath and then another, the self-soothing now an intentional act. I am missing my mother and grieving as I have not in a while.
I paused in my writing to sit with and breathe through the sadness. Realized later that the base of my left hand was pressing against that spot on my chest that the tips of my left fingers had touched earlier. In addition, my right hand had come to cover my left so that both hands were folded against my chest palms down. Words can take us places unexpectedly.